till today...i assumed that when i did find the guy i liked..he would be one i respected...someone with quite a bit of spine, a decent amount of chivalry and someone who appreciates my friends...
a conversation i had today and another person i met today brought to my notice the jarring fact that not all male species on this earth adhere to the aforementioned qualities i look for ... and thats truly sad...
a certain amount of chivalry is always gonna win you points...c'mon man...there isn't a girl in town who wouldn't like to have her door held for her, her chair pulled out or the car door open...and dutching is great..but the first couple of dates...u pay...after which it isnt fair...
and spine man...self respect...a guy's got to have self-respect...some things you would never do...like starve rather than eat off your girl friends' friends...thats disgusting...at least not unless you know them so well and you know for certain that they aren't gonna mind that at all...
and getting along with my friends...thats quintessential...i dunno why but if they can't take you as you are...there's something wrong...and in this context...the spice girls' song wannabe comes to memory...
and seriously..a guy's gotta be able to afford himself before another person..seriously!! if i couldn't pay for myself..i wouldnt expect it off anyone else [except ofcourse, my parents...but thats ok..]...
i don't why but a guy who can turn face from one person to the next is beyond repulsive...i know i'm talking in the guy context here..coz thats wht i'm thinking off....i'm sure all this applies to loads of women folk too...but thats for some guy to post...i do have things about women that annoy me..but i'll save that for later..
and as abhin and i were having the discussion today..we were thinking if we were having too high expectations...i mean seriously...but they aren't insurmountable criteria!! sure we want the nice guy..good humour..charms..height(hey..we are tall women!!)..athletic skills...and the works with the aforementioned qulities being inherent...when i realised they werent all so inherent and ubiquitous as one may like to think...
5 comments:
chivalry winning points... hmmm... holding a door open, paying for a girls meals.. just to be chivalrous and to win points is not my idea of keeping up self respect when you dont really feel like doing.. if you feel like doing it fine..... but somehow i dont think it comes naturally..but rather jsut a social custom... idont know whether all girls like it either.. i know girls who dont.. well anyway
eating off your "girl friends" plate.... if you dint know her enough would you call her your girlfriend in the first place
lol... i find it funny teh "except of course my parents" part.. well.. will not comment on that anymore
getting along with friends.. yes... do all of your friends get along with all other friends of yours??? does that make any difference.. or do u just accept ppl for what they are...and not like what you want them to be...
sigh im jsut in a very bad mood i guess..but since i rote all this.. let me post it
dunno if ur in a bad mood rambler but looks kinda like u dint like neither did u agree with my post..well i was thinking of it...and i posted it...
yes not all my vrnds get along with all others...but i know its the wrong guy when my frnds are only just putting up with him. my really good frnds. i like chivalry personally. its not a necessary thing but its a nice change. i'm all for equality and chivalry is not exactly equality but yeah...its a social necessity...just something that makes u feel special...
hey me can take liberties with my aprents..so thts wht i'm saying...not like u can walk over or take them for granted but they are gonna be there no matter what...so...
and i do accept ppl for wht they are...but dont we all find something about someone that puts u off...aren't they dislikes..turn offs...wht ever else they can be called?
i know its the wrong guy when my friends just put up with him... well..is that when you know its the wrong guy?? what about what you feel?.. in spite of what you feel.. how does it matter what your friends feel about him.....
yeah i know parents will always be there.. but....why do u trust your parents so?? is it when you marry someone socially that you would trust him??? idont exactly know how trust is built... i guess there is a lot of unexplained in that as well.. but restricting trust just to parents.... becomes kind of narrow in my opinion...
i think that if you trust yourself really well...then there wouldnt be really so many ifs and conditions..well..
btw chivalry is not a social necessity :) if it makes you feel special.. and someone does it ... it would be better if he does it because it makes you feel special rather than as a social necessity... agaain as i said.. if it comes naturally fine.. but defnly not because its a social necessity..nothing is a social necessity....
lol.. am very anti institutional i guess... maybe.. but i dont give a damn!! yeah thats the anti institutionalism im talking about :)
okey..i'm in a hurry here...but yea i guess u are anti institutional...and well i'm stuck to traditions either..but certain things i guess i've always taken for being there, no questions asked..
and chivalry..i appreciate it..and i did not say it is a social neccessity..if inadvertently thats how it sounded..i do correct myself..
and feelings are the last deciders but taht doesnt discout what friends of mine think of a guy...friends who have been around for more than half my life..who know the intricacies of my life as well as i do..except ofcourse fr thoughts i'd rather not let anyone in..
so..and trust..i dont know how it comes about either..and i dont think i touched that specifically..and i guess i trust parents for seeing as they have me through 20 years..and thts quite a bit..its a basic form of trust..who else in the word is going to support u..it might fundamentally be the institution india is built on..but not always do the pplo of india adhere.. and blood relations dont ascertain taking care of u unconditionally..
i dont even know where our arguments are getting us..but looks like we're fighting out fundamentals...hmmm..
Meera,sweetheart...
Chivalry is amazing..and believe it or not, it, i believe , is something that men naturally gravitate to when they feel strongly enough about someone..(In their own way, even if it's not exactly holding open doors or paying for food..)
So I think in the whole dating thing , when you are just getting to know (cos a lot of people date junta that they have just met and known not very long..) someone it's kinda silly to expect the guy to fall all over himself to make you feel special , when neither of you are even quite sure yet of how special all of this is really going to end up being...
So, if the purpose of chivalry is to let a girl know she is special.. should'nt we women wait until the guy is sure that we are special...?
And in the meanwhile, like you said..It's unfair to even want anything except complete equality.. We can't scream women's lib and equality of sexes on the one hand and then expect the guy to do certain things that we decide are socially mandatory.
As regards your friends liking him.. Give me a break da.. We have kind of established that I may not even like your other friends let alone your boy friend..And yet that does'nt change the fact that you are friends with them or the fact that we are best friends...Does it????
And you certainly did'nt particularly care for a guy I once was in love with.. That did'nt make a jot of a difference to the way I felt.. It was disappointing but hey..I expected you to lump it.. And just make an effort when you were around each other to be civil.. Remember??
Hey..I think you are being too harsh da.. In the way you are saying things..Maybe they are'nt so black and white..
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